Pine Tree Killers

That's the way we were introduced at our first gathering with neighbors.  The invite had come while I was out and when I returned, Bill said Mitzy, our neighbor to the left, had invited us for 'wine at seven pm.'   seven pm I said...isnt that too late for pre-dinner and too early for after-dinner? 
Thats when I got the look from Bill, which says a combo of:
1.  How should I know?
2.  Zip it and deal with it.
3.  What did you expect me to say other than yes!
All fair questions, but still I wondered....we'd been getting into a habit of eating around that time, so I knew my appetite would be on full alert and if I didn't eat before, I'd be way too hungry.  And what if she didn't serve anything...I'd be drinking on a less-than-full stomach and that couldn't be good!  But since this is about us being Pine Tree Killers, let me just say that I made us BLT's (again....yum!) and we walked over right on time.

As we entered her front door, it was clear that there were already people there. And they had started drinking without us.  Hmmm, I thought: Do they do cocktail parties in shifts down here or did Bill have the wrong time?  I was too naive to think what I actually thought later, which was they had gathered early to talk about us.  This didn't occur to me then becuase I had no idea that the day's events  had been so fascinating to our neighbors.

You see, that day, we had cut down two old pine trees in our yard.  The magnolia and oak trees here are the prettiest I have ever seen, and they grace each home with a certain presence that is simply nature at its best.  But these were trees that looked like telephone poles and dropped so much yellow pollen that I had actually felt like I might someday qualify for a lawsuit on bad air! The so-called trees had no branches, no leaves, nothing but the look of a totem pole without the totems.  So, we hired some professional tree guy, had the contractor confirm no permits were needed and went ahead with a part of the plan to make our small garden look as spectacular as possible.  Who knew that it would cause such a fuss.

Mitzy 'kiddingly' introduced us as the "new people from the New York area who cut down the trees today and caused some of the neighbors such grief they called the police." 

I have been introduced a few times in my day, and that one had me absolutely thunderstruck. Given I had no voice anyway from the bad pine trees, I simply looked to Bill for our retort.  A witty one I hoped. Bill's response, very much in keeping with him being the nicer of the two of us, was to ignore the bizarreness and launch into a toast about how happy we were to be there in Charleston. 

Later, our hostess assured us that she did not hold any ill will, but couldn't speak for others.

I realized right then that my hope of having neighbors turn into new friends was probably not going to happen.  (I also realized that I was right in eating before as no food at all was offered.) I did know that  I had found the quote of the day, but it was not a happy or funny one....though its impact lingered into the following day and then I did laugh.

The next day I went through box after box looking for my stationary.  It seemed I should write a note to the neighbor who was the most offended by our taking down two telephone poles, and it was clear that my personalized and engraved stationary was in order.  After 30 minutes searching, time I really didn't have, I found it and wrote a nice note.  Or I thought it was nice....I didn't apologize for the tree cutting (see how I wrote cutting vs killing....), but did express regret that it caused her such pain.  I also assured her that I have a good track record with neighbors (I even considered soliciting testimonials from my former/normal neighbors in Greenwich but felt that was overkill...excuse the expression).  My note ended with a hope to meet soon! All in all, it seemed pleasant and cordial and I thought it would put things back on an even keel.

Alas, that wasn't how she took it. 

 I dropped off my note in her mailbox at about 10am and felt fortunate when, around 5pm, I saw her as I was about to take a late day walk with the dogs.  She was standing at her doorway, which here  means 14 steps away. I waved and started to navigate the dogs her way so I could extend my hand and introduce myself.  She clearly saw me and clearly had seen me come from the "Pine Tree death house'.
So I put on my best 'hello' smile as she stared at me. Then, she turned and walked into her own house,  leaving me at her doorstep alone.

This actually happened!   And it wasn't just a turn now that I think of it...it was a pivot!! An actual ballet-step pivot that is meant to broadcast to your partner or to the audience that this body is changing course and direction.  And I have to say, it made me laugh.  I had just been dissed.  A Southern dis. 

While I  knew my Mom would have been appalled that I found it funny, I did....and laugh about it to anyone and everyone I tell.  She may think me the Pine Tree Killer, but she is the Human Being Rejector and I personally think that is alot worse!

Sending love from Charleston....